i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
