I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
