Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
