I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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