Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
