Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
