I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
