I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
