I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
