Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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