It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
