someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
