woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
