have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
