yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
