My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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