i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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