wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
