and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
