Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
