yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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