grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
