when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
