I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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