Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
is it fun? or sober?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
