WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
