omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
