he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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