I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
