Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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