she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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