I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
