i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
