just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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