have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize