God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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