so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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