my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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