life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
