my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
