We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
