i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
