Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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