I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
