She is in my trunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
