You don't have asthma, your pregnant
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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