he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
