I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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