I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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