Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
