Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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