this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
