Me too!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize