Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
