I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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