Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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