I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i dont even know how to be here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
