is your mom at the bar?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
