Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
