Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
