community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
