Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
