Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize