Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
