i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
