Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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