I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
