i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
