It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
