How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
