If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
