someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
