she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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