i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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