Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
