Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
