i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
